Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
