Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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