The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
