At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
