he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
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