ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
