I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
