i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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