So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
