If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
