not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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