Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
