Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
