So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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