I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
