I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
