Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
