you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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