One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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