I wanna passion pit in your ass
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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