we're blogging at a bar
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
