Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
