i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
