I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
