Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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