If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
