I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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