What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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