Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
