Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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