As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
