Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
