We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Houston, we have a blender
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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