You just made me feel so damn special
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
