if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
