Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
