After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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