billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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