no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
