One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
