I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
