i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I checked into jail on foursquare
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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