Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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