Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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