He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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