Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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