OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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