oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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