I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
