she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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