my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
